kanyewesticle:

do you think reese witherspoon calls her children reese’s pieces cause i hope she does

(via bedevilment)

I believe in the compelling power of love. I do not understand it. I believe it to be the most fragrant blossom of all this thorny existence.

—Theodore Dreiser  (via modernhepburn)

(Source: nik9009, via modernhepburn)

michaelfaudet: Twisted Trees by Michael Faudet

michaelfaudet:

Twisted Trees by Michael Faudet

(via modernhepburn)

(Source: peaceeandcakee, via g-iggle)

(Source: icanread)

(Source: aseaofquotes, via fearlessknightsandfairytales)

flameeliwood: hemospect: maybethings: defira85: neko-shadow: ow ow owowowowow puns hurt I am going to send every one of these to my brother one text message at a time and see how furious he is by the time he gets home Grooooooooooooooooooan SCREAMS WHY DOES EVERYONE HATE PUNS PUNS ARE THE HIGHEST FORM OF HUMOR THIS IS A FACT

flameeliwood:

hemospect:

maybethings:

defira85:

neko-shadow:

ow

ow

owowowowow

puns hurt

I am going to send every one of these to my brother one text message at a time and see how furious he is by the time he gets home

Grooooooooooooooooooan

SCREAMS

WHY DOES EVERYONE HATE PUNS PUNS ARE THE HIGHEST FORM OF HUMOR THIS IS A FACT

(Source: renassance, via smallish-giraffe)

Silence is beautiful, not awkward. The human tendency to be afraid of something beautiful is awkward.

—Elliott Kay  (via lizewskey)

(Source: seabois, via paper-trees)

carry-on-my-wayward-butt:

one time i saw someone skipping rocks and eating a sandwich along the beach and idk he just tossed his sandwich in the water and bit the rock and he just stiffened a bit but i saw him dying inside after realizing what had just happened

(via radioactive-bananas)

(via radioactive-bananas)

usingtimewisely: usingtimewisely: My dog turns three in one hour. The joke is that I put a beer in his bowl because he’ll be turning 3 which is 21 in dog years. I have been planning this joke for a week.

usingtimewisely:

usingtimewisely:

My dog turns three in one hour.

The joke is that I put a beer in his bowl because he’ll be turning 3 which is 21 in dog years. I have been planning this joke for a week.

(via feuillymakeyourreport)

i-am-supersonic: creepingmalaise: My co-worker sent an email saying he would be late because he was trying to untie a squirrel tail knot. I asked for a picture, and he delivered.This is the email he sent: I was pressed into squirrel rescue this morning on my way out. 5 young squirrels got tangled in Christmas lights in my neighbor’s yard. We got the lights off, but now their tails are one big knot, so I have to bring them into a rescue place to untie them, as I am unequipped to untie squirrel tail knots. I should be in this afternoon. “as I am unequipped to untie squirrel tail knots.”

i-am-supersonic:

creepingmalaise:

My co-worker sent an email saying he would be late because he was trying to untie a squirrel tail knot. I asked for a picture, and he delivered.
This is the email he sent:

I was pressed into squirrel rescue this morning on my way out. 5 young squirrels got tangled in Christmas lights in my neighbor’s yard. We got the lights off, but now their tails are one big knot, so I have to bring them into a rescue place to untie them, as I am unequipped to untie squirrel tail knots. I should be in this afternoon.

“as I am unequipped to untie squirrel tail knots.”

(via smallish-giraffe)

(Source: aimlessme, via unforcedrhythm)

(Source: feedthesofa, via paper-trees)

turklet:

i actually died when i was 3 and that inspired me to audition for the voice

(via radioactive-bananas)

NIGHTNIGHT by DEDDY